Homeschooling the kid who won't do work.

[TeacherMom]

I am looking for guidance with my 8 year old daughter. I homeschool her and her 10 year old sister. We have been having trouble with the 8 year old and I am now realizing she has a self-concept problem after listening to the tapes. She avoids her work and hides when it's time to do her reading and such. We now want to give her back the choice and consequences of NOT doing it. She has chosen NOT to do ANY school work and has decided she just wants to play during the entire day instead of ANY school. I am needing to find out the best plan of action here. Do I just LET her make the choice and focus on building her up with the strengths of art and imagination...or do I tell her that this home is a school during the day and if she doesn't want to take part in what we do here, she would need to go back to public school. Or...something else entirely. I just don't know how to handle it now. It feels like she can just "get by" with this decision unless I make a choice in another direction.

Please HELP!
TeacherMom

[MarathonMom]

Some things in life are non-negotiable like personal hygiene, good manners or getting an education. Everybody has to do these things to be successful and kids look to parents to set that standard. An 8 year old cannot make life decisions at this young age because kids will always take the path of least resistance. In other words, if 'no school' is allowed, that's exactly the choice she will make, as you've seen. You have to make education a non-negotiable standard as the parent in charge who teaches values and responsibility. She is responsible for learning - you are responsible for seeing that the curriculum is followed to that end.

Her choices could be what she does to grow that imagination and creativity - once the school work is finished. Those qualities of strength you see in her do match up with school duties. For example, problem solving is creative and fits with math. Or grammar and language skills build on the expression of imagination. All tools she needs to be better at what she does well.

There's no denying that there is an element of grunt work with school and that's just how it is. It's called perserverance and character building to stick with something less desirable to do something more desirable. We adults do that every day - go to work so we can afford not to work some day. Your daughter needs the practice of learning responsibility and the opportunities to learn from failure and successes as well. School work does just that.

If going back to public school will help her achieve independance and success, then maybe that's the route to go. Staying home and doing nothing should not be an option.

The thing to remember about choices is to only give choices you can live with. And only give them when things are going well. If she stalls on the choices given, then you decide for her. Kids soon learn to get the brain in gear or lose the opportunity to decide.

Hope this helps.

[TeacherMom]

Thank you Marathon Mom. It helps some but I'm slow. I need more help here.

I agree with you on all points that hygiene, manners, and education are non-negotiable to be successful in life. I can provide everything my kids need to "be" successful in these areas...and I am....BUT, I cannot MAKE my kids "be" successful in doing them. What I mean by that is....I can lead a horse to water but I can't make it drink. I cannot MAKE my kids read the computer screen. I cannot MAKE them brush every tooth unless I physically take the brush and do it myself. Then, they are NOT doing it. Instead, I am. I have the child who will....and has...choose to fail a grade to be in control. I feel like I need to work on giving her control in areas that I can control the consequences since she's only 8. For example, if she doesn't want to do school at home...which is what we do here....there's a place for kids like that. It's called public school. If she doesn't want to do it there either, no problem. There's a place for kids like that too. It's called juvenile girls home. Do you see where I'm going? I may be TOTALLY off base and wouldn't be surprised since I'm just trying to figure this out. I can work on her self concept. I get that. That makes sense. What do I do in the meantime? Do I "let" her go without doing schoolwork until her concept is high enough to want to try? Do I send her to school because that way it will be her problem instead of mine and she won't disrupt the school going on here? Or, do I do something else entirely.

I'm thankful for any more help you can offer. I would LOVE to talk this out with someone. My husband and I are both feeling the power struggle here and are not secure enough in Love and Logic to know exactly what to do. We're new at this but haven't heard anything in the tapes that addresses our unique situation.

I cannot make learning or not learning the teacher, school, etc.'s worry because I'm all persons rolled into one.