Daughter cut herself

[Jan]

Please help me. My daughter, who's 14, cut herself out of frustration with a situation among some friends last night. She's done this once before, many years ago, and then promised she'd never do it again. It was not a serious cut, but obviously my husband and I are very concerned. The situation itself is a typical teen he-said, she-said scenario.

My husband spoke to her and she's much better, and he asked her why she didn't speak to me. She said it's because I'm always giving advice but that I don't listen and that frustrates her. My daughter is a lovely and obedient girl, but she doesn't know how to regulate her relationships. My question is this: How do I help her without it coming across as nagging? I guess she isn't far wrong, but what she sees as nagging I see as advice and caution. I find it frustrating too, because every time I try to give her advice, I get the teen standard: "I know, mum, I know. You don't have to tell me."

I know she wants to talk to me but she's afraid that I will come on too strong, so I really need advice on how to communicate with her. We have a very good relationship and she does talk to me about everything else in her life. I'm glad she opened up to her father though. He's less panicky about these sorts of things and his advice to me was to listen, spend more time with her and cut down her computer time (a lot of this stuff goes on over MSN)

Thank you. Any advice would be appreciated