Does anyone here have a child with special needs?

[mama2emma]

I've been reading here for a bit, but haven't posted. I have a 5-year-old daughter with Down syndrome who is an awesome kid, but has become a bit of a handful at home. She's in kindergarten, and all I hear from school is what an angel she is.

I'm slowly implementing some of the Love and Logic principles (I've been checking the books out of the library) with some success, but have a couple of unique issues. The main one is my daughter's speech. She's pretty bright, and what she understands is far beyond what she can say (which of course leads to frustration and behavior issues). I've been offering her many more choices, which is helping. But I want to start guiding her to solve her own problems, and I'm not sure how to do this when we have such a lack of two-way communication at this point.

My other big issue is that when my daughter loses her temper, she starts biting and hitting. It used to be that I was the only one she hit or bit, but she's started trying it on my husband, too. She bit me at bedtime recently, so I managed to keep my cool and put her to bed, telling her how sad it was that kids who bit don't get bedtime stories. But she hits at me often during the day - not always making contact, but threatening. How do I handle this?

I've got a gazillion more questions, but I'll stop with these two. Thanks in advance for any advice!

Amy

[Megan W]

Have you tried signing with her? I have 2 1/2 year old triplets. 2 of the 3 have pretty severe speech delays. One understands me well but can't talk, the other doesn't understand or respond.

The Signing Times videos have been a godsend. Not only have they taught my kids sign language, but I feel like their cognitive development as a whole has really exploded due to these videos.

My kids now sign almost everything they say. I can't understand most of what 2 of them say, but of course with the sign I can always figure it out. Truly, I can't imagine the frustration without it.

[mama2emma]

She's been signing since she was a baby - Signing Time IS a wonderful resource. She knows nearly 200 signs, but doesn't want to use them any more! The more she talks, the less she signs.

Great idea, though!

[Heather]

Hi and welcome the the board. Have you read the L&L book specifically for kids with special needs? I haven't read it myself, but I wonder if it might offer some helpful advice.

[wahinegir1]

I recently purchased the L&L for Children with SpecialNeeds books. Haven't gotten too far into them yet.
My SO has a 6 year old daughter with hemipeligic (sp?) CP. She is verbal and mobile (oh how verbal she is).
He has raised her by himself since her birth, she has weekend visits with her mom (which she DETESTS).
My SO has never disciplined his daughter and she has the attitude to prove it. We are trying now to rope her in as her attitude and behavior are becoming worse while her performance at school is lagging behind.
There are no special needs teachers, students or tutors at her school so I know that things are becoming increasingly difficult for her as her physical limitations are more pronounced.
All that being said, I just wanted to write and let you know I am in the same boat. Jada becomes violent and verbally abusive (telling anyone she will kill them, she will kill the cats, etc).

[LisaGreene]

Hi Amy,
I co-authored the new L&L book (with Foster Cline MD) on parenting children with special needs called "Parenting Children with Health Issues." We have a chapter just for kids with downs, dev delays, etc. It teaches you how to apply L&L tools to your situation.

See http://www.parentingchildrenwithhealthissues.com. There is lots of free stuff on this website that I have created with Dr. Cline to focus just on these issues using L&L tools.

Email me privately if you need more specific info. I will share articles here, too, as we write them. And, you can ask Dr. Cline specific questions on our website under "Ask Dr. Cline."

Take care,
Lisa

[Heather]

Hi Lisa,
Just wanted to welcome you to the board. What a worth-while project to be part of. You must be really proud. Thanks for sharing the link.

[LisaGreene]

Hi Heather,
Thanks for welcoming me. I was lurking for a really long time and thought it was time I "speak up." This is a really great board.

Working with Love and Logic and Dr. Cline on the new program has been rewarding and lots of work, too. But worth it. I hope folks find it helpful. Feel free to give me feedback if you have ideas.

Cheers!
Lisa

[Rose-Marie]

Just wanted to introduce our family and the wonderful child who brings us here. My husband and I have two terrific daughters, the oldest of whom has Rett syndrome. As a result, she lost her speech and fine and gross motor skills during toddlerhood. Medically, she deals with epilepsy and other odd neurological issues, tube feedings, and orthopedic concerns. As long as she feels well, she's a pretty happy and pleasant kid. She attends a regular classroom at our neighborhood school with the help of a 1:1 aide and does pretty well; she has lots of friends.

Our goal for both our children is that they grow up to be responsible, pleasant individuals. For our daughter with Rett syndrome, who will always require full assistance for daily living, this becomes a survival skill. If she outlives the ability for my husband and me to care for her at home and must move into a facility, we want her to have excellent care. Individuals in assisted living get a lot more opportunities for social interaction and such if they are pleasant to be around! And if my husband and I can care for her at home her whole lifetime, we certainly prefer to spend our time with an enjoyable, cheerful person.

We first turned to L&L when she was a toddler and going through some very irritable times, which we now realize were related to her physical regression. We continue with the principles still, though her lack of communication adds some interesting twists, particularly as she heads now into a developmental phase that is less concrete and her thinking become more abstract and mature.

The lack of her ability to tell us her thoughts is the most difficult part of our parenting. If she fusses, that is communicating that all is not right in her world, but by an unacceptable method (it drains my brain!!!). We use symbols with her to point to with her eyes, but this puts her in a position of just responding to us as we try to guess the problem. Most often, her response is "something else" and she gets VERY frustrated at not being able to specify. We are finally on the waiting list for an evaluation for a speech generating device (very long story, and we're just grateful to FINALLY have reached this point). We are praying this will allow her to tell us better what is wrong.

That's who we are and our biggest challenge.

[LisaGreene]

Hi Rose Marie,
Thanks for taking the time to share about yourself and your daughter.

Not being able to communicate with you must be a very frustrating thing for your daughter- and the rest of the family, too. I will keep you in my prayers that you are able to get a speech generating device soon.

There is a young boy at our church who has such a device attached to his wheelchair and it is so cool to hear him say out loud at the perfect moment: AMEN!

Take care,
Lisa

[montana722]

I just wanted to say thank you to Amy for the original posting, and to Lisa for the resources you posted in your response!

My niece and her husband are parents of three children: one VERY gifted almost-4 year old, and two identical twin girls (almost 6) with Down Syndrome.

It has been very difficult for my niece to cope with the discrepancies in their abilities for some time now, but lately one of the twins has been doing things that are not safe (like unbuckling her seat belt in the moving car or running out the front door (she's figured out the locks), and not understanding (or not accepting) how what she is doing could be terribly dangerous for her, despite the repeated assertions from all of us!

Anyway, I was happy to introduce my niece to Love and Logic, and I will be doubly glad to be able to direct her to an additional resource! Thank you!